So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
