I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
