WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
