Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
