I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
