Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
