I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
