some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
