I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The Olympian is in my bed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
