Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
