but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
