I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize