dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize