Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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