Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
