I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
