If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize