i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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