YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
