if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
