sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
