Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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