gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize