She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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