i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
