I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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