Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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