Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
