We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
