is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it was like eating out sand paper
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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