the condom got lost in my hair
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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