Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
