I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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