Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
