Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just pee around me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
