I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
