He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
