Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
