im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize