This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
