Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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