KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
