i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
