just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
