so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
