Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
