I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A bitchslap is in order.
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