I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
