got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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