I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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