it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize