My nipple is on Facebook.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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