Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
