I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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