Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
