"it" just moved
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
