Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
