I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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