All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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