Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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