Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
