I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize