is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
