sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
