please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
