My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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