Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
