Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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