i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
