so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
