Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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