i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
