It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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