the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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