He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize