I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
